Sunday, February 20, 2011;11:57 AM
我在想你.. 
Its almost 12pm now, and im sitting down here crying. It realli hurts me when u replied me this, 'im realli not suitable or ready to go into any relationship. I really got no time for relationship. It realli stress and i cant bretahe. Im someone who put career as priority and when im busy i can ignore everything and everyone. I don wish to drag u further.' Ure letting go just like this.. but do u noe how i feel? I noe is wrong for me to do this, and i didnt noe, e last time i will see u is 25 jan 2011.. From there, everthing changed. Im having sleepless nights, i cried all day long, even when im at work, i cant concentrade, i even went toilet to cry. and i bought penknife e following sat, give myself a gd 21 love cuts on my stomach. U should noe, how much u mean to me. but, ure jus letting go like this, i dunno if u will feel hurt or wad, but do u noe how im feeling? oni giving myself love cuts can give me less pain. E pain cant be cured, unless u still cares for me. People tells me, don cut bcos its not worth to do it, but when ure in my situation, u will noe, cutting, will make u less painful. All i wan, is to be with u again. nothing else.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011;12:28 AM
我在想你..
Hi. Its 1230am now. Tmr working in the day and in the night. It means, whole day. Seriously, If i tell u, im happy nowadays, im lying. Im not happy. Not happy. This few days, many people, may feel im a nuisance, annoying, disturbing. I admit. Im a bad person. Today, one fren avoid me completely. And also. Someone. I dunno why. U suddenly treat me like this. I feel so helpless. I said a Hi to you. And u replied on 12.20am, 'I already say leave me alone. Cant u leave me alone? I don wan end up blocking u in msn and facebook.' When i saw that, i feel like crying. My tears are dripping out already. But, did u noe? And i jus asked u on 12.23am, 'Just bcos of that msg, u hated me till now. ok, i shall leave u alone.' And u replied on 12.25am, 'Don assume. Its not bcos of that msg. The problem lies on me. Just leave me alone thats all. Thanks. Bye.' And i was thinking. Wad problem lies on u den? Why cant u just tell me? Making me worried. Thinking of not contacting u even a moment, already making me feel so uneasy already.. How am i gonna live.. like this? I lost 2 person in just a day.. Pro right? Hahas. Working, makes me feel like hell too. Boss says me. Boss added jobs for me. I cant take it. My frens, all can enjoy. Watch movie, shopping. But me? I have to work. And i work, my money will be gone from the moment i get my pay. Pay this, pay that. Give here, give there. Im so stress. Im overstress.
I feel like i gonna break down anytime. Cry. Till my eyes dry. Eyes swollen. So many things happened from the day you treat me like this. A really bad nightmare for me. I cant take it anymore. I realli cannot. I guess, if i got depression now, i will......... How stupid of me to think of that right? Hahas. Cos im just feeling. Many people, is avoiding me. Started to hate me. Maybe im a person. Who is bad, bad tempered. I jus can say, Useless me, Helpless me, Stupid me. Thats all.
Sunday, February 13, 2011;11:54 AM
我在想你..
Almost a month since i last updated my blog. Its sunday today, And i woke up so early. I cant sleep well. Everything never goes well for me in 2011. System in office struck by lighting, cpu cant on, it means we have to do everything manually. Ot 3 hours yest. But still tons of work haven finish. 1st thing in e last morning, missed bus, everything jus don goes well for me. I've workload more added by boss again. Im jus wondering, why. Since u, Sales Manager, arranged delivery so many years already. Why are u still pushing all this to me? You think im very free? I jus don understand. Why every company, must have a bad person thr. Wad good do they receieve when they do things bad? Hais. Im over stressed. Things cant finish. But luckily, i got a good manager. A new manager who jus join us. Ask me if i can handle, I frankly told him everything. Im not thousand hand, i cant finish everything. Print price tags, do consignment, do deliveries, give orders to warehouse ppl. I cant do everything all by myself. I cant take it, anymore.Love, realli make either one person sad, useless, angry. I guess, no one is willing to hear to me anymore. Tired of it bahs. Maybe in my life, i cannot find someone who truly loves me. No one. Every promises are meant to be broken? There no true love in this world? Im wondering, why some people, can cut themselves jus bcos of one person? And dunno if e person truly love them a not?
If i have e courage, i don wanna be in this world. I wanna live in my own world. Without anyone there. Im tired. Everything in this world is making me so tired. I cant tolerate. I cant take it.
I hope now, theres someone to care for me. But, i guess there wont be anyone.
